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Doctor – Vaidyanathan
Dentist – Pallavan
Financier – Dhanasekaran
Cardiologist – Irudhayaraj
Paediatrician – Kuzhandaisamy
Marriage Counsellor – Kalyanasundaram
ENT Specialist – Neelakandan
Diabetes Specialist – Sakkarapani
Nutritionist – Arogyasamy
Magician – Mayandi
Builder – Sengalvarayan
Painter – Chitraguptan
Agriculturist – Pachaiyappan
Horticulturist – Pushpavanam
Landscaper – Bhuminathan
Beggar – Pichai
Bartender – Madhusudhan
Makeup Man – Singaram
Milk Man – Paul Raj
Dairy Farmer – Pasupathi
Dog Groomer – Naayagan
Snake Charmer – Nagamurthi
Mountain Climber – Yezhumalai
Javelin Thrower – Velayudam
Weight Lifter – Balaraman
Sumo Wrestler – Gundu Rao
Bowler – Balaji
Spin Bowler – Thirupathi
Driver – Sarathy
Attentive Driver – Parthasarathy

Appa, I want a slate
I will think about it
2 days later
Please Appa, get me a slate
Let me think about it
3 days later
Appa, if you don’t get me a slate, I am not going to eat dinner
Ok, don’t eat! Now don’t disturb me
Next day morning
I will not eat breakfast, I’ve been asking you for a slate for so many days
Mother intervenes. Why don’t you tell him you will get him a slate, I don’t want him to starve like this.
Ok son, I will get you a slate
Next day
Appa, where is my slate?
What slate??

Most movies about writers, journalists, etc. would have at its core a scene in which we see the actor at a keyboard – cue zoom out, pan, montage, music builds up, zoom in, crescendo, close-up – fingers typing THE END, krr, krr, krr, the novel, screenplay, report is ready. Only, nobody tells us what happened between the hyphens.

I for one start with an outline, cut, paste, hew, hack, struggle with it for a couple of days till it takes over my brain, initiates an infinite rewrite loop…till suddenly, like some North Korean stadium display thing, everything fits together and…works.

But today morning was different. While driving to work, playing Dodge ‘Em Cars on Royapettah High, I almost subconsciously started composing a post on, er, driving to work, playing Dodge ‘Em Cars on Royapettah High. The words came ea-si-ly, a little too easily, there was something about the flow, the cadence, that was familiar…as if I was channelling something from the depths of my memory.

Took me an hour to fish out the original…it is from the movie The Perfect Storm, the Clooney – Mastrantonio scene.

The fog’s just lifting.
You throw off your bowline, throw off your stern.
You head out the South Channel…
…past Rocky Neck, Ten Pound Island…
…past Niles Pond, where I skated as a kid.
Blow your horn…
…and wave to the lighthouse keeper’s kid on Thatcher Island.
Then the birds show up.
Black-backs, herring gulls, big dump ducks.
The sun hits you.
Head north, open up to 12.
You’re steaming now.
The guys are busy, you’re in charge.
You know what?
You’re a goddamn swordboat captain.
Is there anything better in the world?

Now, back to my stuff. To use a phrase made famous by mimicry guys, ഇനി ക്ലൂണി ചെന്നൈയില്‍ കാര്‍ ഓടിക്കുകയാണെന്നു വിചാരിക്കുക

The sun is blazing.
You start the car, release the hand-brake,
You head for Royapettah High…
…past Vivekananda College, the roundana…
…past Vijaya Medicals, and almost drive over a kid.
Blow your horn…
…and shake your fist at the shop keeper’s kid.
Then the natives show up.
Black faced…TVS50s, big dump trucks…
An auto hits you.
Head north, open the window…
You’re screaming now.
The cops are busy, nobody is in charge.
You know what? You’re driving in goddamn Chennai.
Is there anything worse in the world?

ഷര്‍ട്ട് ഇട്ടപ്പോള്‍ ബട്ടന്‍ പൊട്ടി പോയി,
ബാഗ് എടുത്തപ്പോള്‍ ഹാന്ഡില്‍ വിട്ടു പോയി,
ഡോര്‍ തുറന്നപ്പോള്‍ കുറ്റി ഒടിഞ്ഞു.
കര്‍ത്താവേ മൂത്രം ഒഴിക്കാന്‍ പേടി ആകുന്നു

My laptop, PC, external HDD and mobile crashed.
Boo Haa Haa

Lord of the Flies


The Shiny Ahuja Story

Sorry sorry sorry. Couldn’t resist…

Thai Tea Stall

Have you heard the Allegra song from Kanthasamy? The first time I heard the refrain that opens the song (QOTD – can a refrain open a song?), I thought it was a commercial promoting some drug, but soon I fell for the song and couldn’t refrain from humming the refrain 24×7. Yesterday night, while drifting off to sleep, I had this vision, a rebus version…somebody restrain me…


Sidekick: Boss, who is more smart, circle or square?
Boss: Square, of course
Sidekick: Why Boss?
Boss: The square has naal-edge!

From a Bangalore FM station’s Rajani spoof

Sidekick: Boss, who is more smart, square or octagon?
Boss: Octagon!!
Sidekick: Why Boss?
Boss: The octagon has extra naal-edge!

BHH. Thanks TV.

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April 2021